By popular demand (one person asked), I will take a closer look at the jaunty hit “Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith. It might come as a bit of a surprise to learn that I love this song. I’ll get into the reasons below, but for now, consider this post the antidote to my grumpy (but warranted) dissection of “No Hurry” by The Zac Brown Band.

“Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith

Please note, first of all, that the video features Larry Bird, Colin Ferguson, Roger Clemens, Sammy Hagar, Ted Nugent, Eric Church and frickin’ Carrot Top. I can’t give it enough bonus points.

(song lyrics in bold, comments in not bold)

Now, red solo cup is the best recepticle
For barbecues, tailgates, fairs, and festivals
Lest the literal listener have problems with the volume issues suggested by these lines, I don’t believe Toby is talking about putting large social gatherings in a plastic cup. I think he means to say that the titular cups are the best thing to use when you find yourself at the above-mentioned social gatherings. Of course, Toby is correct.
And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer drinkin’ from glass
This is a good time to marvel at the way Toby subtly slurs his way through this song. Although some of my friends insist that he was actually inebriated when he recorded this, I have to disagree. Toby is too much of a professional to actually risk wasting studio time and countless lyric flubs on getting buzzed before recording. Which means he’s a pretty good actor. Good on him. But the lyrics make it easy–taking shots at people’s manhood is certainly something a drunk Toby would do. Kudos to songwriting brother team Brett Beavers, Jim Beavers, Brett Warren and Brad Warren.

Hey, red solo cup is cheap and disposable
True.
And in fourteen years, they are decomposable
Probably not true, especially if they’re just buried in a landfill. But the Solo Company does sell a line of more environmentally friendly products.
And unlike my home, they are not foreclosable
Probably true, unless you borrowed a lot of money to make some sort of amazing bejeweled Solo pimp cup.
Freddy Mac, can kiss my ass
Is there a better way to prove the singer’s tipsiness than having him take a shot at government bureaucracy? I submit that there is not.

Whoo!
Whoo!

Red solo cup
I fill you up
Let’s have a party
Let’s have a party
This could go in a totally different direction if you believe Toby is a lonely rummy singing to a plastic cup. Let’s have a party, you and me, cup. We’ll invite CSI: Miami and a Mrs. Smith’s apple pie. A single tear runs down his cheek.

I love you, red solo cup
I lift you up
Proceed to party
Proceed to party
Tone is everything. Fortunately, this song is upbeat, carefree, loose and groovy. In spite of the content, it’s childish, thanks to the Muppets-like tenor banjo licks that occur throughout. I know it’s a guitjo in the video, but it sounds like a tenor, and should have been played on a tenor.

Now, I really love how you’re easy to stack
That is a nice feature.
But I really hate how you’re easy to crack
This is the crux of the Solo cup argument. Do they crack too easily? Yes. But if they didn’t crack so easily, the Solo Corporation wouldn’t be able to sell nearly as many and might go out of business. It’s a chicken-and-egg conundrum.
‘Cause when beer runs down the front of my back
Well, that, my friends, is quite yucky
This song gets away with some questionable lyrics based on the fact that the singer is drunk enough to engage in some clever wordplay, but not so drunk that it becomes “‘Cause when Beeeeeeerrrrrr…maannn…”

But I have to admit that the ladies get smitten
Admirin’ how sharply my first name is written
This is the most unbelievable line in the song. Although it makes sense to write your name on your cup, nobody does it. And I can’t imagine anyone uses these. Secondly, when you’re drinking from a solo cup, you sure as hell don’t put it down.
On you with a Sharpie when I get to hittin’
On them to help me get lucky
On second thought, this isn’t a bad idea. Make sure your name is “Gym.”

Red solo cup
I fill you up
Let’s have a party
Let’s have a party
It’s not an Andrew W.K. party, but I’d still love to attend.

I love you, red solo cup
I lift you up
Is there a more universal sign for “party” than someone raising a red solo cup over their head? It’s a flag semaphore move now, recognized in international waters.
Proceed to party
Proceed to party

Now, I’ve seen you in blue and I’ve seen you in yellow
But only you, red, will do for this fellow
Toby might be shocked to find that you can get solo cups in myriad colors. However, many of them are of the “clear” variety. Avoid those at all costs. Perhaps the third-best reason to use solo cups, aside form price and Beiruit, is their ability to conceal what’s inside. On the other hand, if you’re drinking out of a red solo cup, everyone assumes it’s alcohol. But as long as there’s a reasonable doubt, right judge?
‘Cause you are the Abbot to my Costello
And you are the Fruit to my Loom

Red solo cup, you’re more than just plastic
Yep – you’re PETE resin. Polyethylene terephthalate.
You’re more than amazing, you’re more than fantastic
And believe me that I am not the least bit sarcastic
When I look at you and say
Earmuffs, kids. This is about to become Toby’s closest approximation of an R&B slow jam.

Red solo cup, you’re not just a cup
You’re my-you’re my (Friend?) friend
Thank you for being my friend
I know this is a studio creation, and the loose party vibe was probably created via hundreds of takes and dozens of overdubs, but I love that they even did it. And then released it as a single. When was the last time you heard a skiffle song on country radio? Never? Hearing it makes me believe there is still room for creativity, humor and oddball behavior in one of the most staid radio genres there’s ever been. It gives me hope.

Red solo cup
I fill you up
Let’s have a party
Let’s have a party
Toby has said “Red Solo Cup” is “the stupidest song that I have ever heard in my life” but also “freakin’ awesome.” He’s right about the second part. I’ve heard stupider.

I love you, red solo cup
I lift you up
Proceed to party
Proceed to party
The outro is just a studio full of shambling singers butchering the chorus until they can’t sing it any more. Reminds me of “Rainy Day Women # 12 & 35″ by Bob Dylan. They should live together on party mixes for eternity.